Always Starting Over
by SkySorrow
Summary: A little musical piece revealing a look into the emotions of the friends when the lose all who are dear to them in the terrible inevitable battle that was to come. One-shot. Song-fic.
1. Always Starting Over

**I have just discovered this booked series recently, when I picked up a copy of Truthwitch from the book store in Johannesburg airport to read on plane on the way home and can safely say I've fallen in love with it and simply can't wait for the next one! I just finished the last few chapters this morning and curiously googled fanfiction to see what other fans had written about it and upon finding nothing listed for it, instantly realised that I HAD to write something! This popped into my head as I remembered the song I was listening to this morning by Idina Menzel, which is absolutely perfect for Safyia and Iseult! So, here is! I claim no credit for ether the song, or characters mentioned, all right to their respective owners. Enjoy! SS**

Always Starting Over –

Safi stared ahead at the calm waves in front of her, her mind a whirl of different thoughts and emotions. She barely register the presence of her Threadsister come up and sit down beside her. For a few moments the two of the just sat there, side by side starting out form across the clifftop and the devastation below them. The battle had been a horrible one. Truly, utterly horrible. So much loss of life. SO many innocent lives lost and for what? Power? Control? A chance at redemption?

Safi snorted, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes and she felt Iseult reach out and pull her into and tight embrace, crushed her shoulder against her own chest, her arm snaking up across her back. In another time and place, another life perhaps she would have teased her for the unusually open display of affection that was so foreign off her but the thought barely crossed her mind now. She was just too exhausted, too empty but anything other than the grief and pain that was currently consuming her, inside and out. The deaths of everyone in the city below them wasn't even the worst part of it. No, the worst part of it all, to her at least, was the deaths of everyone that she loved, that she'd grown to care about. Her uncle, her mentor, even Iseult's mother and friend whom had crossed paths with them again by chance. And Merik. Merik was dead. He was gone. He'd had left her behind, passing on to whatever realm was nest and it was all her fault.

She fought back the sob that was rising out of her throat. It was all her fault, all of this death. Her's and her stupid witchery. As if reading her mind Iseult grabbed her shoulders with both hands pulled her round to face her, reaching up with a dirty sleeve to wipe away tears that she hadn't even noticed were running down her ash-stained face. It was such a tender gesture, and it was the one thing that finally seemed to send her over the edge. The flood gates broke, and her arms acted of their own accord, wrapping themselves around her Threadsister's neck while she buried her face in the front of her shoulder, hands gripping the top of her borrowed shirt and cried, hot, fat, ugly, painful tears combined with shuddering, gasping breaths. Iseult made no move to push her away, instead seemed to wrap her own pale arms around Safi's tan shoulder and rest her own face against the hollow of her neck, a warm wetness betraying silent tears of her own. They stayed like this for a long time that could have been minutes or could have been an hour for all either girl knew, too wrapped up in their own, shared misery to pay much notice to the passage of time.

Eventually though, the pain temporarily duded and their girls regained their sense of the world around them. Surprisingly it was Safi that broke the comfortable embrace first, pulling away and sniffling loudly. It took a couple of moments to regain proper control over herself, Iseult silently doing the same and the two girls finally looked up at each other and shared a watery smile. Their gazes moved away and gravitated towards the moving water behind them and for a few second they simply sat there, wordlessly starting out, minds full with thoughts and memories of lose they had lost, when Safi finally broke the silence, speaking quietly, seemingly to herself.

"All my life, I never thought I'd get a second chance. I thought I was done, then I met you. Though I never dreamed I'd learn how to love again, I placed my bet, and you came through."

A gentle hand reached over and covered her own, Iseult smiling weakly. She shrugged, and Safi returned her sentiment by giving her hand a slight squeeze, still talking quietly.

"I somehow still lost. I somehow always do. This time feels new."

She pulled away suddenly and clambered unsteadily to her feet, pacing skittishly back and forth, mind turning with thoughts of her lost loved ones and relatives.

"Thank you for finding me and thank you for the care. And fuck you for making me think that this life might be fair. You promised to love me, a promise you have kept, and I won't be sorry that you said to leap and I leapt."

Her pacing continued at an increasing paced while her Threadsister watched her in confusion from her spot on the ground but made no move to follow her as yet.

"I won't regret, but I did then though it hurts more than I can imagine back when, all the same even so, I would love you all over again."

She faltered momentarily as her thoughts turned away from her wayward uncle to her secret lover, her secret Heart-Thread, her mixed feelings of her relative's untimely passing being washed away by the stab of sorrow that accompanied memories of her lover's brutal end. Her tone picked up a notch, her voice increasing ever so slightly.

"Am I always starting over, in a brand new story? Am I always, back at one, after all I've done? Cus I've burned all of my bridges, and learned every last lesson too. So how can I start new?"

She dropped back into a whisper upon the finale note, one hand unconsciously going to rub against her lower abdomen and rest over the secret that she had only just discover not so long ago. The secret that she'd only had mere minutes to share with her love before parting ways unknowingly for the last time to join the battle-field. Her determination hardened and a fierce passion mixed with anger flared out of her and her next words matched her feelings.

"I'll love our children both fiercely and well, and when they asked about you, oh lordy, the stories I'll tell. And I won't regret the lives, I didn't lead. I knew, I loved you. Let that be all that I need!"

She raised a hand and waved it widely above her head as she spun sharply on the spot and resumed her pacing in the opposite direction, her voice now well above a normal volume, even for her.

"Say that its fate, say it's foretold. I'm through with fighting it, I'm much too old. What the god's have to give, I'll take and I'll live, and be bold!"

She stopped almost shout and nearly stumped down to her knees, her battered feelings and raw emotions, grief, pain, angst and sadness rolling off of her in waves. Her face was flushed with heat and she staggered painfully back around and stomped her way back over towards the other girl, barely noticing her presence.

"If we're always startling over, every brand new morning. Then we're always, starting out, with the end in doubt. We can leave life for tomorrow, or grieve all that we thought we'd do. Or make each moment new."

With a sigh she dropped back down beside her Threadsister, her voice finally waveringly and her shoulders dropping. Her chest still heaved from the effort and her breath came in short, quick pants for several seconds after she sat back down. When she finally recovered herself, she felt a strange sense of calm wash over as she stared down into the water below, feeling her Threadsister's hands come to rest gently on her back, comfortingly.

"All that has happened is happening now. All that has happened is here somehow. All of the choices that made me, me. All of the accidents yet to be."

Her voice was once again quiet and steadily calm as she watched the memories swim across her vision, the dull throb of pain that accompanied them no longer quite as stifling as it had seemed mere minutes ago. She realised, almost detachedly that she was finally being to process it her pain, and perhaps even taking the first few steps towards healing.

"With all that's ahead, and all that's behind, it's all in them moment I make up my mind and open my heart. And start. And start!"

With the same suddenly swiftness as she had stood the first time, she Safi shot to her feet again, but this time as she moved away, she did not go far but stopped a few feet away, a tense firmness set within her shoulder and a familiar strength in her stance that made the watching Iseult smile, grateful to have her Threadsister back again.

"Cus we're always, starting over, every life we're living. And we're always, just awake, every step we take and my love. Our life is over, but love. I'll make you one last vow!"

Safi spun back around, crying out at the top of her lung and marched up to the very edge of the cliff, Iseult climbing to her feet and coming to stand beside her supportingly.

"To start over, and over, and over, somehow! My new life starts right…..now!"

The two girl stood side by side, looking out beyond the scene of devastation directly below them at the stormy colored ocean as the wind wiped through their clothes and hair, Threadsisters, best friends and the pair of legend, survivors of tragedy, ready to face whatever came that way next the same way that they had everything else. Together.

 **Thinking of doing more like this, perhaps in longer context as the book series goes along, or maybe before, depending if I came wait that long for the next one to come out. What do you guys think, should I carry on with this genre, or stick to my usual categories? SS**


	2. Chapter 2

Notice to All –

I'M NOT DEAD! Just thought I'd start with that! I should probably also say how sorry I am as well for not updating in SO long.

I know I'm owing several promised chapters to multiple stories that are LONG over-due, almost by two years in some cases, and for that I apologise. My life's been kinda derailed over the last year or so and reality got in the way.

I know it's not an excuse, and I promise that NONE of my current stories have, nor will ever be abandoned! I've decided, looking back that I'm not really happy with how most of my stories are so far so I'm taking the time off from them (not including my drabbles series and One-shots) to re-write them all before I start posting fresh chapters again, and hopefully several new projects that I'm working on and planning on having finished and pre-written BEFORE I start posting in order to avoid this sort of problem again.

I can't grantee when I'll get around to posting again, probably not till after New Year, but I can promise that they ARE coming.

Many thanks for the support, patience and encouragement that you've all shown so far. I'll look forward to hearing from you all again when posting in the future.

Sincerely,

SS


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